Incentivize not Penalize

About a year ago, I took a course in parenting that changed my life. Among the things in the course was how to focus on the positive, even if the positive event takes only a microsecond. Of course, I always thought as a positive person, of course I focus on the positive. Boy was I wrong!

So Aharon and Ezra are fighting again. What would I normally do - scream, rant, yell - jump up and down. Aharon and Netzach are sitting together quietly working on puzzle. What would I normally do - IGNORE. If they are quiet - why disturb them??

This apparently was not being positive. Being positive is clapping, screaming hurrah, yelling wonderful, when the children are being good, and more or less ignoring or simply stopping the bad behavior, say by sending them to their rooms for quiet time.

Now, let's examine why this works. Children crave attention. Any attention. If they get attention by being bad, even if its bad attention, then they continue to be bad. If they get attention when they are being good, then they continue to be good. Of course this is simplistic, because children by their nature tend to push the envelope, but the positivity (is that really a word?) creates such a pleasant atmosphere, that even pushing the envelope becomes less of an issue.

OK, so how am I going to turn this into the business world. Ever hear of Win/Win? Same concept. The only contracts that really work, and that foster good relationships between two parties in business are those where both parties feel like they are a winner. When you build a house, there is a usually a penalty if the builder does not finish in time. It rarely works. There is no incentive to finish on time, and the builder knows that 9 out of 10 times that purchaser will not take him to court if he's late by a month. Its just not worth his time. However, imagine, if it was the other way around. If the purchaser agreed to add $20,000 to the purchase price if the builder finished ahead of schedule....

Imagine, if instead of getting tickets for speeding, drivers would get tax breaks for driving safely. And instead of fines for smoking in public areas, smokers got free health insurance for quitting. Maybe I'm dreaming.

I'm currently negotiating a contract with a consultant. The negotiations have been pleasant (rather than the usual grueling and uncomfortable) because we both want to get to a place where we are both happy. Then its just a matter of finding the right formula to make it work.