I want to round out the picture and introduce you to my kids - Ezra Shlomo 5 1/2, Aharon Binyamin 3 1/2, Netzach Yisrael 2 and Sima Brach 2 months.
When I was in college, I thought it was easy compared to highschool - in highschool I left the house at 6:30 am, travelled an hour, studied from 8:00 am till 5:30 pm and returned home at 6:30. In college, I lived near campus, went to classes a couple of hours a day, and even got to work an hour money in my spare time. When I went to work, I thought it was even easier than college - after all I'm getting paid to do something that I like. And yes, there is a point to this digression. Raising kids is much harder than anything I've done to date. While changing professions - which I've done a number of times - comes with a learning curve, once you've mastered the jargon, business, market etc. you're done. With kids, the learning curve is refreshed with each new day, and with each new kid. Naturally I apply what I've learned from experience to this new challenge - which is essentially how to get people to do what you want them to do and make them feel that they've won - otherwise known as win/win.
Ezra was relatively easy until he started talking, and then he didn't stop. A typical conversation between us goes like this:
'Ima (mother in Hebrew) - I want to take my teddy to Gan (kindergarten)'
'No, Ezra, it will - get dirty, get lost, ...please leave it at home'
Now begins the negotiations
'But Ima, I want' (that's the usual whine)
Now I have to use all my business skills to make him feel like he's making the correct decision by leaving it at home.
'Ezra, do you want it to get dirty?' (throw the ball into the opponents court)
'Ima - that's why we have a washing machine' (darn - underestimated my opponent)
'Ezra, do you want it to get lost?'
'Ima, I PROMISE, it won't get lost' (oh oh, there's that promise - beware of the promise which isn't in the contract - it could get you into trouble)
Next move - try to understand why he wants to take it to Gan and arrive at a compromise. Usually, the straight forward approach works best:
'Ezra, why do you want to take Teddy to Gan'
'Elad doesn't believe I have a Teddy' (aha!)
'So Ezra, we'll take the Teddy in the car, you will show Elad that you have a Teddy and then I'll take it home? (has to be a question - otherwise he feels like its a command and will instinctively disagree)
'OK'.
Now imagine if this was a contract you were negotiating. Your partner was adament about one paragraph in the contract and you felt strongly about it as well. I've found that if you discuss with with your partner what exactly is troubling them, there is usually a way to reword it so that you both are satisfied.
More on Aharon in my next post - he's my toughest negotiator because at three his instinct to disgree is ingrained and even if we've negotiated a position, he'll reneg at the last minute.
When I was in college, I thought it was easy compared to highschool - in highschool I left the house at 6:30 am, travelled an hour, studied from 8:00 am till 5:30 pm and returned home at 6:30. In college, I lived near campus, went to classes a couple of hours a day, and even got to work an hour money in my spare time. When I went to work, I thought it was even easier than college - after all I'm getting paid to do something that I like. And yes, there is a point to this digression. Raising kids is much harder than anything I've done to date. While changing professions - which I've done a number of times - comes with a learning curve, once you've mastered the jargon, business, market etc. you're done. With kids, the learning curve is refreshed with each new day, and with each new kid. Naturally I apply what I've learned from experience to this new challenge - which is essentially how to get people to do what you want them to do and make them feel that they've won - otherwise known as win/win.
Ezra was relatively easy until he started talking, and then he didn't stop. A typical conversation between us goes like this:
'Ima (mother in Hebrew) - I want to take my teddy to Gan (kindergarten)'
'No, Ezra, it will - get dirty, get lost, ...please leave it at home'
Now begins the negotiations
'But Ima, I want' (that's the usual whine)
Now I have to use all my business skills to make him feel like he's making the correct decision by leaving it at home.
'Ezra, do you want it to get dirty?' (throw the ball into the opponents court)
'Ima - that's why we have a washing machine' (darn - underestimated my opponent)
'Ezra, do you want it to get lost?'
'Ima, I PROMISE, it won't get lost' (oh oh, there's that promise - beware of the promise which isn't in the contract - it could get you into trouble)
Next move - try to understand why he wants to take it to Gan and arrive at a compromise. Usually, the straight forward approach works best:
'Ezra, why do you want to take Teddy to Gan'
'Elad doesn't believe I have a Teddy' (aha!)
'So Ezra, we'll take the Teddy in the car, you will show Elad that you have a Teddy and then I'll take it home? (has to be a question - otherwise he feels like its a command and will instinctively disagree)
'OK'.
Now imagine if this was a contract you were negotiating. Your partner was adament about one paragraph in the contract and you felt strongly about it as well. I've found that if you discuss with with your partner what exactly is troubling them, there is usually a way to reword it so that you both are satisfied.
More on Aharon in my next post - he's my toughest negotiator because at three his instinct to disgree is ingrained and even if we've negotiated a position, he'll reneg at the last minute.
Comments
How about a family photo?